Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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