I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
