This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
