clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
