Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
