As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
