the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
