.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
