i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
