Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
