we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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