Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
