Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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