So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
