I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
