Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
did i just pee glitter
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
