One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
