sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
