hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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