Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
