do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
