oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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