I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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