i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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