SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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