hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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