I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Use "feeling words"
Yay
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
