Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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