I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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