A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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