Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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