Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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