billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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