My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dear god my vagina.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
