U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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