Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
