Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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