I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
