im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
