Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
this is an emotional support booty call
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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