New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
