so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
