Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
