Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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