do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
