I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
