Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
