she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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