Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
