i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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