You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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