I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
